Awake Enough

by Rickie Moore, Ph.D.

All this talk about Awakening could keep you awake.

Whose awakening are we speaking about when we read stories about the juicy, delicious after affects of waking up? Certainly not U.G Kirshnamurti or Nisargadatta or Gurdjieff or many other awakened teachers.

I know what it’s like to push the Wake-Up button. Just let me slow down and taste enough silence or stillness, and occasionally it actually works. Or spontaneously erupts. In those moments, days, once it was almost a whole week, I relax into a Natural State of being awake.

There is total acceptance. The separation from form is clear. Feeling One-with-All ends my dread of loneliness. And yes, during those times one might say I’m a fully realized human being. I nourish my body and care for it, but know its not who I AM. I can laugh at the absurdity of a world gone insane, love without limit, dance to abandon, forgive without question. I can stop blaming, judging, criticizing. When the unconditional love of everything and everyone (Agape) enters my heart, compassion carries me on a journey to the divine.

Yet, even then I’m capable of atrocious behavior like rudeness, yelling, insulting, and creating chaos. Sometimes, in that Natural State a fire burns through to my soul and I disappear and things Happen. Awake or not, I am a human being with a unique capacity for both shameful actions and transcendent holiness.

In that Natural State I know that there is no observer and nothing to observe. I know that pure intelligence (consciousness) without the mind’s interference is faster and more creative than anything “I” can conjure up. It’s liberating to surrender to the consciousness that’s running the show. To stop questioning and to stop wanting anything or yearning for more. Of anything!

That’s when I think, “Awake Enough is enough. What more could I ask for?”

Yet, serious seekers seem to want more. It’s not enough to stop feeling lonely, depressed, angry–at times. Not enough to experience the wonder of Oneness–sometimes.

I wonder if this search for more–for permanent enlightenment–could just be a narcissistic need to be perfect? A craving for that “holier than thou” status?

The poet Marya Mannes says it beautifully, “The Good Life exists when you stop wanting a better one. It is the condition of savoring what is - rather than longing for what might be. Our hunger for ‘more’ drains the soul of contentment. There is a point at which salvation lies in stepping off the escalator and saying, ‘Enough! What I have will do.’”

I believe the search for more is a treadmill that keeps seekers chasing the illusive carrot of perfection. It deters enjoying the blessings of occasional episodes of Being There. It could surely be damaging to those who struggle to reach an illusory goal, and blame themselves for failing to reach it.

Many gurus assure us there’s a point at which, when truly enlightened, we not only accept whatever’s happening, but that there is no more suffering involved. The message: “Enlightenment means the end of suffering.”

When I hear these messages being broadcast by gurus with high-tech proficiency, I remember U.G. Krishnamurti, who in his crisp and critical way said, “The guru game is a profitable industry; try and make a few million dollars a year any other way.” Rough words, but at times I must admit I wonder if the players of the guru game are simply feeding the narcissistic needs of seekers.

Despite my questioning and skepticism, I’m humbled and inspired by some of today’s spiritual teachers. What they have to offer is important, valuable. And I have both love and affection for both the teachings and the teachers.

I know that being Awake can be blissful, AND that it can also penetrate the marrow of my bones with deep sorrow. I know it is nonsense to say that once truly awakened I will remain loving and kind and compassionate with no anger, no frustration, no selfishness.

No longer believing “once enlightened, always and forevermore awake”, I’ve given myself permission to give up the quest to achieve a permanent state of bliss. I remain an open-hearted ardent skeptic with an abundant dose of curiosity.

I’ve surrendered and accepted that one doesn’t need to seek enlightenment any more than we need to seek happiness. It’s there for the taking.

I’m happy with being “Awake Enough”. What I have will do.